You might be rude and ignorant if...

In one of my classes this semester, certain topics have come up that have led me to write this post. In the past few years I have been asked some questions that I would never imagine asking another person. These question (and some comments that will be included) have been presented to me by friends, family, and strangers. I want others to be aware that if you ask or say these types of things, you just might be rude and ignorant. And I can guarantee that the person the comment/question was directed to knows that you definitely are rude and probably ignorant (which is no excuse to be rude). All of these have involved my daughter, which made me want to hit someone (namely the ignorant rude fool who made the comment).
1. What is she mixed with?
Hello? My daughter is not a dog or any other type of animal that gets "mixed" with another breed or species. She is a human, like I thought you were. She is mixed with the genes of another human. Why do people have to put her race into a category? If you must know can't you think of a better way of phrasing your already rude and ignorant question? Like maybe, oh, what ethnicity is her father? (Still a rude question, but getting better). And by the way, her father is 1/4 Jamaican. His dad was 1/2 Jamaican and his mother white. So no you cannot put her in the category of African American when none of her ancestors can even locate Africa on a globe.
2. Really? Because she looks Hispanic.
No, I'm not sure that the guy I was dating for almost 2 years and sleeping with was not Hispanic. Okay, do people just not believe me or they can't accept that there is a little "black" in her. Is it really that bad? Do people really think I'm going to make up the ethnicity of her father? Just because you're rude and ignorant, don't assume that I am too. Because assuming makes a bigger a$$ out of you than it does me.
3. So, what are you going to tell your daughter when she grows up and asks about her father?
Now, do you really think this is any of your business? What conversations I may have sometime in the future with my daughter? What would you tell your kid? I really don't care. People ask this because they want me to say "Oh, I'm gonna lie" or "I', gonna tell her he was a jerk" or whatever. They already have the answer they want me to give them in their head and are disappointed when I say "I'll figure that out when the time comes" or "I'm going to tell her the truth that he wasn't ready for a family and we both agreed that at that point in his life it wasn't best for any of us for him to be a part of our lives".
4. She must look like her father.
This one gets to me. Its more of the way people say it. They give the tone of voice that says "Oh, she's so beautiful, she obviously doesn't get that from you so it must come from her father". This happened to me the first time when my daughter was about 3 months old. She was in the church nursery on a Wednesday night and there was a lady who I had never seen just standing in there looking at the babies (I had been at the church for 20 years at this point and knew faces at least of just about everyone who came). I had never seen her before or since. I came in to pick up Elisabeth and this woman says "oh, it this your baby" and I smile politely and says "yes". She looks me up and down, looks at Elisabeth then says "she must look like her dad". I was livid to say the least and if I hadn't been in the church, the cops just might have been called to pull me off of her. I shot her "the look" and said "well, he wouldn't know", took Elisabeth and pushed past her. Now, I hope I did not turn this woman off from church and God because she obviously needs him, (I admit I did to at that point because my response was as rude as her comment). At that point, Elisabeth had not seen her father in over a month, we were on really bad terms, and I was highly insulted.
This was not the only time this occurred. A friend of mine was watching Elisabeth for me and her and another friend took her out to eat. She was not quite 2 I think. This friend has a lot of similar features as me-dark hair, same color eyes, skin tone, whatever. She could pass as my sister possibly, and as Elisabeth's mother. Well, a lady at the restaurant came up to her and said "she must look like her father". My friend politely told this woman that it wasn't her daughter she was baby sitting for a friend, and the woman just said "oh". No apology? You offended this person-a friend of mine-for no reason because you have no clue what the mother looks like!
Now, I have had friends of mine who know me very well and know Elisabeth's father who have told me that certain aspects of her look like Jayson (that's her father's name for those who don't know). That's fine. I know that-I admit that. She has certain features that are her dad. That's usually what happens when you have a child. It looks a little like each parent. Duh. These friends are not being rude or ignorant, they are stating facts that we both agree on. Those people who only know me (friends from the past, people who never met Jayson, etc..) will tell me that she looks like me. And those friends who don't think she looks like me don't insult me with rude comments stating that she MUST look like her father.
So, let this be a small lesson as to how to talk to a single mother without being rude and ignorant. If you aren't sure whether your question is rude and ignorant, be safe and keep your mouth shut. Then, if you must, you may ask me if the question you wanted to ask is either rude or ignorant. And I'm telling you right now, if you ask, I'm going to let you know. I'll let you know why it's rude and ignorant too. Just let it go. Do you want strangers and people you just met to know everything they may be curious about you? Probably not, so don't feel like you have free reign to ask single mothers all those pressing questions. We're people trying to raise our children by being both mom, dad, disciplinarian, friend, support, comfort, and super hero. It's not easy, but don't make it harder by trying to embarrass us with your questions and comments. One of these days, a fed up single mother just might let you know straight up that you are rude and ignorant. And there's a good chance that it might be me, because I'm done even politely responded to those questions anymore!