My Mental Checklist
So, I have this mental checklist of all the qualities I am looking for in a potential husband. I've had it for a long time and it hasn't changed too much. I use this list to "measure up" every male who I come in contact with. And here's a shocker, no one has "scored" high enough to be good enough. It was kindly brought to my attention that I have this list to keep me from getting into a relationship when I'm not ready to be in one.
Which is true. I am definitely not ready, nor do I have time at this point, to be in a dating relationship right now. I know that, God knows that, and my closest friends definitely know that! They're the ones who keep reminding me how not ready I am. I'm just trusting God to bring the right guy at the right time. Someone who I can really connect to in a way that is unmatched by my other friendships and relationships.
So I know you're wondering...what is on this check list? Its the almost impossible to measure up to list. I actually told someone all of these "must have" and "preferred" qualities (yes, I have 2 categories of qualities!) that I am looking for last night. That's why its so fresh in my mind. Some of them I didn't even realized I looked for until I was talking about them. Well, here they are. Oh, and if you happen to know someone who meets most of them....let me know :)
Required:
1) A Christian who knows where he is with the Lord and is striving for a stronger, closer relationship with Jesus. Someone who will pray with me and for me; who will be my spiritual partner. 2) Has a passion for music. I love music and want someone who I can share this passion with. He has to have a creative, artistic side that he displays. 3) A sense of humor. Someone who makes me laugh and who I can laugh with. Someone who will cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. A guy who can laugh at himself and me! 4) Non smoker. Its disgusting and I will never date a smoker. I'm allergic and refuse to subject my daughter to second hand smoke. 5) I have to find him physically attractive. Now, I don't have a "type" but I can't image being with someone intimately who I'm not physically attracted to. 6) Has a love for family. His own and mine. He has to have a functional relationship with his family. I think that this is really important. 7) I have to be able to trust him. He should be able to have friends of both sexes and I shouldn't have to worry. I should be able to trust a guy enough to not hold anything back and talk about anything and everything knowing that nothing will ever be held against me or used against me in some way. There has to be complete trust. 8) Understanding and tolerance. I have a daughter, if you can't deal with being a father the day we say I do, don't waste my time. He has to understand that I have a past and the results of that past are part of the package. My future husband isn't just marrying me, he's accepting my daughter as his own and will love us both.
preferred:
1) A five year plan. Now, this use to be #1 requirement, but I've relaxed a little. I'm very goal oriented and want someone who sets goals (either spiritual, financial, personal, whatever-just goals!) He has to want to have achieved something in the next five years. 2) A love for the outdoors. I LOVE to hike and be outside and want someone who will share these things with me. Whether its hiking, apple picking, camping, whatever. Someone who doesn't want to stay cooped up inside all the time. 3) Intelligent. Now this doesn't mean he has to have a PhD or anything. He has to be able to engage in an intelligent conversation with me about the world, ourselves, social problems, stuff like that. Someone who has knowledge of things outside his realm of living. I don't care what your education level is, if you're ignorant, I don't have that kind of time to waste! 4) Willing to take risks and have adventures. I want to sky dive, rock climb, and be adventurous. He has to be willing to try new things and have some fun! 5) Supportive. This maybe should be required. I'm looking into careers that could take me anywhere in the US. A guy is just going to have to understand that and be supportive of where God takes me through my career.
I know there's more-and that's sad-but I can't think of them. If anyone knows of something that I left out, just leave it in a comment. Some of you know me well enough to know what I'm looking for :) Yeah, so how exactly did I expect a guy to meet all of my requirements? Honestly, I didn't. And that was a good thing at this time in my life. It kept me from jumping into relationships that I wasn't ready for. Thank you for pointing that out to me (you know who you are! You always make good points and are right about them darn it!)
Well that's it for now! I know, it was a lot but hey, I have met guys who come REALLY close (if not meet all of them). So, I know this category of guy does exist! And God will bring one of them to me. Hopefully soon :)
Which is true. I am definitely not ready, nor do I have time at this point, to be in a dating relationship right now. I know that, God knows that, and my closest friends definitely know that! They're the ones who keep reminding me how not ready I am. I'm just trusting God to bring the right guy at the right time. Someone who I can really connect to in a way that is unmatched by my other friendships and relationships.
So I know you're wondering...what is on this check list? Its the almost impossible to measure up to list. I actually told someone all of these "must have" and "preferred" qualities (yes, I have 2 categories of qualities!) that I am looking for last night. That's why its so fresh in my mind. Some of them I didn't even realized I looked for until I was talking about them. Well, here they are. Oh, and if you happen to know someone who meets most of them....let me know :)
Required:
1) A Christian who knows where he is with the Lord and is striving for a stronger, closer relationship with Jesus. Someone who will pray with me and for me; who will be my spiritual partner. 2) Has a passion for music. I love music and want someone who I can share this passion with. He has to have a creative, artistic side that he displays. 3) A sense of humor. Someone who makes me laugh and who I can laugh with. Someone who will cheer me up when I'm having a bad day. A guy who can laugh at himself and me! 4) Non smoker. Its disgusting and I will never date a smoker. I'm allergic and refuse to subject my daughter to second hand smoke. 5) I have to find him physically attractive. Now, I don't have a "type" but I can't image being with someone intimately who I'm not physically attracted to. 6) Has a love for family. His own and mine. He has to have a functional relationship with his family. I think that this is really important. 7) I have to be able to trust him. He should be able to have friends of both sexes and I shouldn't have to worry. I should be able to trust a guy enough to not hold anything back and talk about anything and everything knowing that nothing will ever be held against me or used against me in some way. There has to be complete trust. 8) Understanding and tolerance. I have a daughter, if you can't deal with being a father the day we say I do, don't waste my time. He has to understand that I have a past and the results of that past are part of the package. My future husband isn't just marrying me, he's accepting my daughter as his own and will love us both.
preferred:
1) A five year plan. Now, this use to be #1 requirement, but I've relaxed a little. I'm very goal oriented and want someone who sets goals (either spiritual, financial, personal, whatever-just goals!) He has to want to have achieved something in the next five years. 2) A love for the outdoors. I LOVE to hike and be outside and want someone who will share these things with me. Whether its hiking, apple picking, camping, whatever. Someone who doesn't want to stay cooped up inside all the time. 3) Intelligent. Now this doesn't mean he has to have a PhD or anything. He has to be able to engage in an intelligent conversation with me about the world, ourselves, social problems, stuff like that. Someone who has knowledge of things outside his realm of living. I don't care what your education level is, if you're ignorant, I don't have that kind of time to waste! 4) Willing to take risks and have adventures. I want to sky dive, rock climb, and be adventurous. He has to be willing to try new things and have some fun! 5) Supportive. This maybe should be required. I'm looking into careers that could take me anywhere in the US. A guy is just going to have to understand that and be supportive of where God takes me through my career.
I know there's more-and that's sad-but I can't think of them. If anyone knows of something that I left out, just leave it in a comment. Some of you know me well enough to know what I'm looking for :) Yeah, so how exactly did I expect a guy to meet all of my requirements? Honestly, I didn't. And that was a good thing at this time in my life. It kept me from jumping into relationships that I wasn't ready for. Thank you for pointing that out to me (you know who you are! You always make good points and are right about them darn it!)
Well that's it for now! I know, it was a lot but hey, I have met guys who come REALLY close (if not meet all of them). So, I know this category of guy does exist! And God will bring one of them to me. Hopefully soon :)
posted by ~Jacki @ 4:54 PM
1 Comments:
At 6:38 AM,
delilah said…
I know someone who meets all your requirements...but he is already taken. I was lucky enough to marry him. Trust me. No one ever thought I would get married because I had unbelievably (is that spelled right?) high standards. I dated A LOT of guys who didn't even come close and it caused me so much heart ache and pain. By time I met Jake I was cynical and I was pretty mean to him. I am lucky I didn't push him away. So, I think you are doing the right thing. If I had known how easy it was going to be once I met Jake (I wasn't that good at trusting God had plans for me back then) I would have never shed one tear or fretted over all those other silly boys. When the time is right it'll happen for you. If I had met Jake 2-3 years earlier we would have never worked out. Neither of us were even close to ready! It sounds like you are set on holding out for what is going to be an amazing relationship. I can't wait to meet him someday!
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