Media Minded

Being a sociology major, I am exposed to realities that many (actually most) people are not exposed to. I feel that this has benefited me. One of the things that I have learned is not to trust the media. This is actually a common saying, but how many people take it seriously? Do we analyze and evaluate what we are seeing in the media or do we just take it in and buy into it all? Most people buy into it all. Its easy to.
Crime in the media is not representative of crime in the area. The media's theme is "if it bleeds, it leads". The media is looking for the stories that are going to grab your attention and tell you that you are not safe. But you may be safer than they let on. In fact, you are safer then they let on. The crimes that the media shows (when I say media, I refer to all types of media: television news, newspapers, news magazines, online news sources, etc...) are those crimes that are least likely to happen. For example. Children, women, and the elderly are the least likely to be victims of a crime. Did you know that? Male on male crime is more dominant and property crime is the highest on the list. Hmmmm, so why when I turned on the news last night the big story was on a teenager being stabbed to death in his home by a group of fellow teenage males? Oh, and juveniles have much LOWER crime rates than any group of adults (contrary to the belief that juvenile delinquency is on the rampage).
If you are the victim of a crime, it is much more likely that the offender is someone you know; not a stranger. This is true in all forms of violent crimes. Homicide-most likely a FAMILY member than anyone else. Rape-most likely a friend, or acquaintance. Assault-usually someone you know. Kidnapping-if you or your child is kidnapped, it is more likely that the kidnapper is either 1) a family member or friend 2) a co worker, employee, or someone else you have some types of regular contact/relationship with, or 3) someone whom you have met; either at the store, hired to do work on your house, etc.. . Strangers aren't who you need to be watching out for. You need to watch out for the people you already know. I'm not saying not to be cautious when you're alone at night and some big strange guy is walking your way. Because that can still happen. But it's very rare.
You would think that strangers are more likely to harm you, but they aren't. The reason you think they are is because that's what the media tells you. Those are the stories that they present to you. And if you never question what you are told and heard, the you never know any different. This isn't your fault. Feel free to blame it on the media. They know exactly what they are doing. They don't care. If they reported things representative of how they really are no one would watch their station or read their paper. They aren't stupid. In fact, they are very intelligent and know exactly how to reel you in.
So, I leave you with a question. Please post your guess (your gut feeling without looking anything up). Let's see how safe the media makes you feel.
Q1: What are your chances of being the victim of a violent crime? (any violent crime-use a percentage)
Q2: What are your chances of being the victim of a property crime? (house, car, some type of damage to your property-again use a percentage)
I'll post in a comment the true answers next Monday! Haha-you have to wait. Get as many people as you know to come up with their answers. Friends, family, coworkers, whoever is around. You can post them all in one comment if you'd like. Stay tuned and see how safe you really are.

You might be rude and ignorant if...

In one of my classes this semester, certain topics have come up that have led me to write this post. In the past few years I have been asked some questions that I would never imagine asking another person. These question (and some comments that will be included) have been presented to me by friends, family, and strangers. I want others to be aware that if you ask or say these types of things, you just might be rude and ignorant. And I can guarantee that the person the comment/question was directed to knows that you definitely are rude and probably ignorant (which is no excuse to be rude). All of these have involved my daughter, which made me want to hit someone (namely the ignorant rude fool who made the comment).
1. What is she mixed with?
Hello? My daughter is not a dog or any other type of animal that gets "mixed" with another breed or species. She is a human, like I thought you were. She is mixed with the genes of another human. Why do people have to put her race into a category? If you must know can't you think of a better way of phrasing your already rude and ignorant question? Like maybe, oh, what ethnicity is her father? (Still a rude question, but getting better). And by the way, her father is 1/4 Jamaican. His dad was 1/2 Jamaican and his mother white. So no you cannot put her in the category of African American when none of her ancestors can even locate Africa on a globe.
2. Really? Because she looks Hispanic.
No, I'm not sure that the guy I was dating for almost 2 years and sleeping with was not Hispanic. Okay, do people just not believe me or they can't accept that there is a little "black" in her. Is it really that bad? Do people really think I'm going to make up the ethnicity of her father? Just because you're rude and ignorant, don't assume that I am too. Because assuming makes a bigger a$$ out of you than it does me.
3. So, what are you going to tell your daughter when she grows up and asks about her father?
Now, do you really think this is any of your business? What conversations I may have sometime in the future with my daughter? What would you tell your kid? I really don't care. People ask this because they want me to say "Oh, I'm gonna lie" or "I', gonna tell her he was a jerk" or whatever. They already have the answer they want me to give them in their head and are disappointed when I say "I'll figure that out when the time comes" or "I'm going to tell her the truth that he wasn't ready for a family and we both agreed that at that point in his life it wasn't best for any of us for him to be a part of our lives".
4. She must look like her father.
This one gets to me. Its more of the way people say it. They give the tone of voice that says "Oh, she's so beautiful, she obviously doesn't get that from you so it must come from her father". This happened to me the first time when my daughter was about 3 months old. She was in the church nursery on a Wednesday night and there was a lady who I had never seen just standing in there looking at the babies (I had been at the church for 20 years at this point and knew faces at least of just about everyone who came). I had never seen her before or since. I came in to pick up Elisabeth and this woman says "oh, it this your baby" and I smile politely and says "yes". She looks me up and down, looks at Elisabeth then says "she must look like her dad". I was livid to say the least and if I hadn't been in the church, the cops just might have been called to pull me off of her. I shot her "the look" and said "well, he wouldn't know", took Elisabeth and pushed past her. Now, I hope I did not turn this woman off from church and God because she obviously needs him, (I admit I did to at that point because my response was as rude as her comment). At that point, Elisabeth had not seen her father in over a month, we were on really bad terms, and I was highly insulted.
This was not the only time this occurred. A friend of mine was watching Elisabeth for me and her and another friend took her out to eat. She was not quite 2 I think. This friend has a lot of similar features as me-dark hair, same color eyes, skin tone, whatever. She could pass as my sister possibly, and as Elisabeth's mother. Well, a lady at the restaurant came up to her and said "she must look like her father". My friend politely told this woman that it wasn't her daughter she was baby sitting for a friend, and the woman just said "oh". No apology? You offended this person-a friend of mine-for no reason because you have no clue what the mother looks like!
Now, I have had friends of mine who know me very well and know Elisabeth's father who have told me that certain aspects of her look like Jayson (that's her father's name for those who don't know). That's fine. I know that-I admit that. She has certain features that are her dad. That's usually what happens when you have a child. It looks a little like each parent. Duh. These friends are not being rude or ignorant, they are stating facts that we both agree on. Those people who only know me (friends from the past, people who never met Jayson, etc..) will tell me that she looks like me. And those friends who don't think she looks like me don't insult me with rude comments stating that she MUST look like her father.
So, let this be a small lesson as to how to talk to a single mother without being rude and ignorant. If you aren't sure whether your question is rude and ignorant, be safe and keep your mouth shut. Then, if you must, you may ask me if the question you wanted to ask is either rude or ignorant. And I'm telling you right now, if you ask, I'm going to let you know. I'll let you know why it's rude and ignorant too. Just let it go. Do you want strangers and people you just met to know everything they may be curious about you? Probably not, so don't feel like you have free reign to ask single mothers all those pressing questions. We're people trying to raise our children by being both mom, dad, disciplinarian, friend, support, comfort, and super hero. It's not easy, but don't make it harder by trying to embarrass us with your questions and comments. One of these days, a fed up single mother just might let you know straight up that you are rude and ignorant. And there's a good chance that it might be me, because I'm done even politely responded to those questions anymore!

Its a couples thing

It's hard being single in a society geared towards couples. I've never really been the one to date much or many guys. I've spent most of my adult life (and teenage life for that matter) being single. I haven't been on a date in well over three years (and for those you who know my past with my ex boyfriend-yes that's pretty much singular-we didn't go on many "dates" to begin with). For the longest time this has been a real source of pain and sadness for me. Most of my friends and both my siblings are in relationships. I'm always the odd man out. I struggled with it for years. It took me three years (almost exactly) to come to terms with my singleness. But, I'm happy to say that I have finally embraced it. I've accepted that Jesus is all I need and I can find comfort and fulfillment in Him.
I do believe that God has "the one" out there for me somewhere, but I've stopped looking. I no longer check out every male that I walk past measuring to my impossible to measure up to list of acceptable qualities. I'm just me. Not trying to impress or grab the attention of anyone. God will bring the right man to me when I am ready. And I think the fact that I was looking and longing let God know that I definitely wasn't ready. I still don't think I'm ready. I'm enjoying being me with no pressure. Sure I still feel like the third wheel sometimes, but that's okay. At least I'm still included!
For the longest time I thought that there was something wrong with me. I couldn't figure out what, but always thought it must be something because I'm not even getting attention from guys! Was it my looks, personality, or in the last three years, the fact that I'm a single mother. What was it about me that obviously was turning guys away? I finally realized that it's not me. Sure there are things wrong with me-I'm not perfect-but that's not what was keeping guys away. God just knew it wasn't the right time and he didn't want me going from guy to guy to guy. He wanted me to become closer to Him and learn about myself. He wanted me to be ready before he even put prospects into my path.
Who knows what will happen next. Whether I'll stay single until I'm 30 or be married by this time next year. I'm going to love being me and having me and my daughter as a full family. Our family may grow, it may not. Either way, I'm satisfied, content, and happy. I know some of you are out there saying "It's about time!"

PraiZ

I have the priviledge to be a part of a very special group at my church (www.fallscreekcc.org). It's called PraiZ and it meets Sunday nights from 6:30-8pm. We completely geared this service to youth and young adults. While we have struggled with our attendance, the enthusiasm of the people we get is awesome. I looked around last night as we were ending the night with some rocking music and was amazed at the spirit that you could feel in the room. With only 10 people (excluding the band of 5 that was on stage) 3 of which were the "leaders" there was more energy and true heartfelt worship in that room than there was 9 hours before when there was a crowd of probably about 100 or so. How can this be? Just to watch this small group really get into the music and sing together to God not caring how we sound, how we look dancing and clapping, and moving all around. I've been in church and singing praises to the Lord for my whole life and I never remember the excitement level in the room being as high as it is on Sunday nights with a group only large enough to fill one row in the auditorium. I have seen God working on the hearts of these kids and bringing them to Him as we all worship together. It doesn't matter how small the group happens to be on a particular night, the Spirit of the Lord is there with us and it can be seen and felt through the pure enthusiasm and excitement of those who are there.
For anyone who is interested, PraiZ is designed for those in 6-12 grades and 18-26 years old. It is a laid back, casual, fun time for us to be young and in love with our Lord. I'll fill you in on our upcoming topics in case you or someone you know may be interested. We will never close the doors on anyone who shows up, even if they are out of the age range that group is designed for. If it's a topic they are struggling with, anyone is more than welcome. Jan. 29 we are continuing our "Real Life:Because we all have to deal" series that goes through the month of Feb. Jan 29 is Drugs and alcohol where we will have info, facts, discussion, and Scripture as to how to overcome temptation and addictions. Feb 5 & 12 we will be dealing with Teenage Sex and Premarital Sex in general. On Feb 5, I will be sharing my personal testimony on the subject. And finishing Feb, the last 2 weeks will be talking about Suicide. Testimony, warning signs, how to get help from the Bible, God, and in our community.

Shhh...It's a secret...

Remember when you were a kid and you thought that you were important when someone told you a secret? And when you were the one who had a secret, everyone wanted to be the first one to know what it was. Why is this so important? Even as an adult I find that people still place a sense of value on their secrets. I don't get it anymore. Why do we even need to have secrets? I've come to a point in my life where if I'm keeping a secret, there's a problem. Either 1) I'm still immature and think that secrets are cool or 2) I'm not living my life the way I should be. If I feel like I have to keep things a secret from other people, its obviously because I'm ashamed of something that I've done.
I'm not saying that everyone should just go out and flash their personal business to every bum who passes them on the street, but we do need to check ourselves and our actions. We should be proud of the things we've done and have struggled through, not trying to keep them a secret. Keeping secrets is what puts people in therapy later in life. I don't know about you, but I know that I'm never going to make enough money to waste that much on therapy because I couldn't be honest and open with myself, God, and my loved ones.
Having secrets and keeping secrets of others isn't doing anyone any good. So give it up, grow up, and get over it.

The Beginning

Wow, my first blog. How exciting. So, I've been reading blogs recently and thought "hey, maybe I should start doing that". Its not like anyone is going to be interested in reading about my oh so fun and exciting life (do you sense the sarcasm?) but hey, it'll at least keep me entertained and *hopefully* SANE!
Okay, here it goes. I'm one of the few Americans who is proud to say that I have kept up with my New Year's Resolution to lose weight and get in shape. WooHoo for me. I've found that having an accountability partner and setting up goals and rewards has really helped. I also write down everything I eat, drink, exercise, and thoughts ever single day. It has really helped knowing that my accountability partner will be looking at it. I don't want her to think I'm a lazy pig! Anyone who ever wants someone to work out with, let me know. It has become my new passion.
So, moving on. I just started my last semester of undergraduate work. I thought I would take a small load and finish off easy. Oh how wrong I was! In just three classes, I have about 10 papers to due over the semester, not counting tests, other assignments, and a fourth class I'm taking. If I can make it through this semester, I can handle ANY job out there. Speaking of jobs, I'm not sure what I want to do after graduation. I still have 4 months. That's plenty of time right? I really want to get into the federal government. I'm looking into intelligence analysis at the major government departments (DEA, FBI, CIA). But I have to already possess a degree to even apply. And by the time the whole process of applying, interviewing, drug screening, poly graph test, and background test is over, it might be this time next year before I even know if I get a job. What do I do in the meantime? Sit on my hands and wait or get something else for "just in case and to keep busy"? I'll come up with something. Let the job search begin (in between studying, papers, reading, working, working-out, going to class, and church!)